The 12 Steps for Everyone
I wanted to share some insights on the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, and before you think that this isn't for you, hear me out. The first step is “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and that our lives had become unmanageable”. If we change just one word, it instantly becomes more universal - “We admitted we were powerless over our mental health, and that our lives had become unmanageable”. Sometimes the symptoms we struggle with can leave us feeling powerless or unmanaged. If one is having a panic attack, arguably, their anxiety is now the one in control. Or for someone who simply can not get out of bed, their depression is now in control. When our symptoms take over, it makes life feel a whole lot harder.
I felt slightly hypocritical, as I was suggesting to clients to do the 12 steps, but had never done them myself, and I wanted to know more about them. In grad school, I was encouraged by my professor to attend a 12 step meeting, just to have that experience. As my curiosity grew, I took this encouragement one step further. I returned to AA in 2017 with an open mind and willingness to learn the 12 steps and to use them.
I was challenged by group members to continuously learn about and practice steps one, two and three, for the first six months. They believed that this was important as it gave a solid foundation to the rest of the recovery program. In that time I developed my own understanding of a higher power. However, there are meetings and variations of the 12 steps that focus more on an atheist or agnostic perspective, as well as different religions. Please find what works best for you.
My higher power is Nature, the universe as a whole. I take on a spiritual perspective rather than a religious one. When I think of connection and peacefulness, nature is the first to come to mind. It’s also something more powerful than me, such as a thunderstorm. Because I wanted to connect to the literature that I was reading, I decided I would come up with my own acronym for God, I chose Grand Omnipresent Designer. To me, this encapsulated my perspective of nature, with a spiritual component that connects us all.
Now, with that in mind, I ask you to picture an overgrown, untamed, mangled garden.
Step 1, is simply acknowledging that this garden needs some work.
Step 2 is knowing that you will need something other than yourself to help you with this garden, such as a shovel, rake, rototiller, etc.
Step 3, is being willing to use those tools.
Steps 4 and 5, are about taking an inventory; what will stay, what will go, what will be added? But also, talking this over with someone to gain their insights as well.
Steps 6 and 7, are in regards to character defects. Following our garden example, perhaps there is a rose bush that is overgrown, with leaves discolored, and flowers that don’t bloom. How can we work on this defect? What can we do to improve it? Can it be saved? Or does it no longer serve us? Character defects come from character qualities and it is up to us with the help of our support to determine if they are healthy.
Steps 8 and 9, is making a list of all of our neighbors, and then making amends to them. This is more than just saying sorry, it is also a change in behavior, it’s never allowing our garden to become so unmanaged again.
Step 10, is going through our garden and deciding what is needed, like a checklist. Does it need fertilizer, mulch, de-weeded, or water? What can we do to improve it?
Step 11, is taking time in your garden to actually enjoy it, to connect with the peacefulness of it all, to meditate, or be mindful.
Step 12, is showing someone else how to garden as well.
The 12 steps are truly meant to be guidelines for a way of life, and in my opinion should be shared with everyone as a better way of life. But I would like to close this with a real example of a time that I used the 12 steps to change my mood and perspective in the moment. I was at a concert on the floor and was becoming frustrated with others bumping into me (which I know is to be expected). So in my frustration, I stepped back from my friends, they could still see me and I could still see them, but I took a moment to reflect.
Step 1: I am powerless over what others are doing around me.
Step 2: I believe that something other than me is going to help me.
Step 3: I am willing to use my tools to return me to peace.
Step 4 & 5: What role am I playing in this? What Character defect is this? In this particular example it was my need to control.
Step 6 & 7: Sometimes a need to control is helpful because it keeps me organized and good with time management. But in this moment, it was causing more distress than anything else, so I let go of what was not serving me.
Step 8 & 9: I luckily didn't have to apologize to anyone as I wasn’t outwardly mean to anyone. But I did take a moment to apologize to myself
Step 10: I was actively doing this by going through this checklist.
Step 11: I took a moment and said a mantra with my higher power in mind.
Step 12: I am sharing this example with you.
I hope that by reading this it helps you to see the 12 steps in a new way. Perhaps they can become a tool that helps you as well. While I was studying the steps, I had a mentor who had already completed them who showed me how to use them and understand. She had recommended two books, which I now recommend to you: The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (sometimes called the 12x12) and The Little Red Book (there is a variation dedicated just to women as well).
Sincerely,
Sarah
