Set Boundaries and Forgive

There will come a time, when someone you know lets you down. Chances are this person is close to you in some way. Perhaps through friendship, family, or even a close partner. Ultimately, when we are let down or hurt too many times, it’s a strong indicator that it is time to set boundaries. Boundaries are not walls or sealed doors. Boundaries are guidelines and doors that don’t always stay open, doors that lock, or just sometimes are closed. Boundaries are a way of protecting ourselves, while maintaining a relationship. Perhaps the boundary is not discussing certain topics, or asking someone to not arrive intoxicated, or setting limits to how much help you will continue to provide. A boundary is not meant to control someone, nor is it meant to hurt someone. It is simply a tool used to help keep a relationship healthy. 

At times there is no need to have a discussion about a boundary, a simple “I do not wish to talk about that” will do. Or perhaps a boundary is a change in behavior, such as no longer drinking with someone - just saying “no”. Other times, boundaries are something that should be openly discussed. When this happens it’s best to use “I feel _______ because ______” statements to convey why the boundary is being set. Actually setting a boundary with someone can be an intimidating process and having support to do so will help. It also would be helpful to practice with someone what you want to say, to ensure your message is clear. 

The other component is to practice forgiveness. Whomever it is that hurt you or let you down, is still just human. They have their own mental health, their own lives, their own healing, their own side of the story. By no means is forgiveness mandatory. However, what good is it doing to hang onto that anger, or sorrow, or pain? Instead, ask “what can I learn from this?”. Learn what you can, set the boundary as you need to, and forgive because you deserve peace.

Sincerely,

Sarah