Honoring the journey

I stood in the darkness, with the stage lights glowing. The music and energy around me was intoxicating. I have been to this same stage countless times. I have felt this same energy countless times. Yet, what I noticed now was a reflective feeling, honoring my journey. 

My love for music began, sometime as a child. I remember performing concerts with a hairbrush on my dining table watching my moves in the mirror. My influence at the time was Shania Twain and The Dixie Chicks - this was inspired by my Mother who has always loved country. As I became older I started to enjoy my brother’s music more. It was heavy, and fast. He introduced me to Metallica, Slayer, AC/DC, Tool, and many others. Yet, as I aged again, I started to enjoy what my friends enjoyed, listening to what was most popular at the time; Sum 41, Blink-182, Avril Lavigne, and sprinkling in some ‘top 40’ as well. As a highschooler I remember rap ruling my radio - listening to not only local artists, but big names too. Jay-Z remains to be one of my favorites. Then, a new music arose, fast past, loud, and computer operated. I was attracted to the sound of the bass booming - Bassnectar, Daft Punk, Flux Pavilion. 

Then came the time for my first music festival. I went entirely for the electronic dance music. Plus, my friends encouraged me that it would be a lot of fun and I would enjoy myself. My first festival sold out at 40,000 people, and our camp spot was 15 feet from the gate to the main stage. The amount of energy that passed by me that weekend was nothing I had ever experienced before. I was not prepared. As I look back on this time of my life, being unprepared seems like a metaphor - at this point in my life is when my PTSD was undiagnosed and my symptoms were unchecked. My lifestyle was unhealthy. 

But as my journey into music festivals continued I found my taste in music morphing once again. I found music that was a mix of electronic and instrumental; Papadosio, Pretty Lights, Sound Tribe Sector Nine, and The String Cheese Incident. As I continued to attend music festivals, I also continued to attend therapy. As I look back now, it feels as if the music festivals and my therapy formed a symbiotic relationship. 

Here I am now, with a decade of healing and music festivals on my resume. As the stage lights pass by me, a flash of all the friends I have made, the ones I have lost, the ones I have gained, come to my mind. I honor each performance I attended. I honor how the music I enjoyed throughout my life has carried me through each stage; metaphorically and physically. To me, music is a healthy escape. A way to release emotions, and energy. A way to connect with others. A way to practice mindfulness. 

I have a certain set of songs that carry more emotions than others for me. At one show, I stood there, hearing the familiar tune, knowing how this song has felt previously as it hits my heart. I stood, singing the lyrics I knew so well, moving to groove - and yet I noticed that this time, it felt different. I took a moment to pause, and the answer came, I healed this part of me. A smile came to my face, and a new meaning was birthed upon this melody. 

Today I am grateful for all music, for it has been with me, honoring my journey.

Sincerely,

Sarah