What makes a great therapist?
What makes a great therapist, is really dependent upon what you need. The first therapist I really connected with was a gentle soul, who listened to me when I felt no one else could hear me. I felt validated by our work together and walked away from sessions with new coping skills. I also gained a better understanding of myself, and began being more reflective on my actions.
Then the time came as an adult to seek therapy at the end of a toxic relationship. I was relieved to be with someone who met me where I was - they held space for me. They helped me to feel empowered to end my relationship, and truly do what was best for me. Our time together was short as my insurance was ending, and I was too broke to self pay. But they left me with important information, they said "when you are ready to return, find a therapist who works with PTSD". We talked about what that meant, but mentally and emotionally, I wasn't ready for that to soak in.
When the time came where I was tired of feeling the way that I did, I was ready to make serious changes. My next therapist was a perfect match for me. They were kind and understanding. The energy of their office just felt like home. I felt completely comfortable to be my whole self, I didn't feel a need to hold anything back, and most importantly, I felt safe. They also met me where I was, and held space for me. They empowered me to make the healthy changes I needed in my life, at the pace I wanted to go. They taught me very specific coping skills, such as healing light, that I still use today. As time has gone on, I know now that the skills they were showing me were based in EMDR.
After years of talk therapy, the time finally came where the universe told me about EMDR therapy. As some of you know already, I found it life changing. The qualities I looked for in my EMDR therapist was someone who met me where I was/held space for me, was empathetic, and who was really good at their job. My first EMDR therapist had a sweet soul, but challenged me when I needed it. One time it felt right to lay on the ground during a target, and they got onto the ground with me. They encouraged creativity in me, empowering me to let go of my analytical left brain and giving permission to my emotional right brain. They led me safely into facing my worst negative beliefs. Majority of my healing happened in these sessions.
Unfortunately, our work was abruptly ended due to their health conditions. I thought at first that enough healing had happened, as the reduction in my symptoms was significant. But as time went on, I realized there was something more lingering beneath the surface. At times people refer to Big T and Little t, it's a useful way to look at trauma if you can identify that as heavy traumas were happening in your life, chances are there are lighter traumas that happened simultaneously. We can often lose track of how the lighter traumas affect us, as the heavy ones can be all consuming.
My most recent therapist and I started once I came to the realization that I needed to give healing space to the "little t's". They carry all the qualities I found helpful in my previous therapeutic relationships. They were there to walk me through the last of my negative beliefs. Now, as my healing journey has come to a close, I continue to see them monthly (or more as needed). I enjoy having their unbiased insight on my life and the stress that comes. I am back to more of a talk therapy mentality, but this works for me. When I talk with them, they share a new perspective, offer validation, and sometimes just give me a place to laugh as life does what life does.
I want to note that I only spoke about the therapist that I worked best with. I had a few in between therapists that were not the best match for me, therefore services ended and I continued my search. As I reflect over all of my therapists, I realize that what makes a good therapist for me, is how they made me feel. I sought out empathy, safety and the space to grow.
Sincerely,
Sarah
