Trusting to Surrender

At the beginning of 2023, I attended a new moon ceremony. It was here that I was encouraged not to choose a New Year’s resolution, but instead to choose a New Year word. Something that I thought would speak to me, as an intention, that could guide me throughout the year. I chose the word Trust, or better said, it came to me, and resonated deeply. 

I wanted to fully trust in the universe. To trust that no matter what, everything would be ok. I wanted to trust the process without expectation, without counting the days, without trying to control it; just trusting fully. I made it the focus of my therapy sessions, and fell into a trusting mantra at times of high anxiety: “I trust myself and the universe”, “I trust the universe to guide me”, or “I trust that everything works out for my greater good”. 

As spring turned into summer, and summer turned into fall, I felt overall that I have come to trust the universe. However, I realized I wasn’t surrendering. I felt stuck. There were changes that I wanted to see happen, but yet, there was nothing I could do to make the changes happen. I felt as though I was flowing down a river, and became wedged in a stagnant corner of the river’s flow, unable to return to the center to continue my path. 

People say “surrender to the flow”, but what does that even mean, and how does one achieve that? In my metaphor of floating down the river, I have to maintain some control to avoid running into the muck and low hanging branches. But to surrender, to me, means letting go of control. I was puzzled on how to do both. Also, despite my best efforts to avoid obstacles, inevitably I was faced with one, and therefore felt stuck among the mud and sticks. 

So, I focused on what I wanted, rather than continue to focus on being stuck. I worked with my counselor to establish what it really was that I wanted in this upcoming chapter of my life, and I began praying/manifesting every morning. In addition, a friend shared a definition of surrender that she came across by Karin Hadadan. At the bottom was a mantra that stated “Even if my eyes can not discern a path, I choose to believe. I let go of my perceived needs. Allowing the Universe to usher in what is truly meant for me in its own perfect time”. This is how surrendering and trusting come together. By letting the Universe know what it is that you want, envisioning it, believing in it, and sitting back allowing it to happen in its own way, with no regard to how you thought it would happen. 

Since practicing this, I can see some of my manifestations coming to fruition, in their own way, at their own perfect time. Trusting the universe is more than just knowing that it will be ok, it’s surrendering to the flow of how the universe will deliver what is truly meant for you. I have to disregard my plan, or rather how I thought it would go. 

At the end of my morning practice, I like to take some time to just notice. I feel the energy flowing through me post yoga poses, I feel peace from saying my prayers/manifestations, and I find quietness, just to notice what comes up. Some people refer to this as meditation. What came to me is this: “I trust that it is safe to surrender to the flow of the universe. I do not need to tread in this vast ocean, but instead I can choose to float, with peace of whatever may come”. 

Silly me, this whole time I thought going with the flow meant a river. I had forgotten that all rivers lead to the ocean. Perhaps I was never truly stuck, but instead confronted with a challenge, an obstacle. It is up to me to face each challenge with consideration of what decisions and actions will keep me on the path to my best future. But once a challenge has passed, I can return to my relaxed position, floating safely in the warm waters and allow myself to be guided by the current.